Trying to Conceive After Pregnancy Loss
Pregnancy can be one of the most exciting experiences of a person’s life. The joy of seeing two pink lines and tearful announcements can be so precious and exhilarating. However, after a pregnancy loss, navigating a subsequent pregnancy can be riddled with fear, anxiety and hypervigilance. Many people describe pregnancy after loss as living in two emotional realities at once—hope and dread, joy and grief.
No matter the gestation the previous loss occurred, there is fear surrounding milestones and doctor’s appointments.
People often wonder:
What if there isn’t a heartbeat?
What if they find something abnormal in the scan?
What if it happens again?
Trauma responses after loss are common experiences and can lead to rumination, intrusive thoughts, nightmares and panic. Fear of experiencing another loss can be paralyzing and prevent women from connecting with and feeling joy about their pregnancy. These reactions aren’t overreactions—they are normal and very common after loss.
While anxiety may not disappear completely, there are tools that can help you feel more grounded during the ups and downs of a subsequent pregnancy.
Exercises for Managing Pregnancy Anxiety
Grounding exercises before/ during appointments:
5-4-3-2-1 senses: Name 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste.
Orienting: Describe your surroundings by mentally listing objects and details as if you're a TV show narrator.
Sensory Focus: Create a care kit that focuses on senses that are calming (ie sour candy for taste, relaxing music for sound, worry stone or weighted blanket for touch, aromatherapy for smell, etc)
Breathing practice: Box breathing or diaphragmatic breathing
Mindful movement: Dancing or swaying, swinging arms, slow/ meditative walking
Resourcing/ Advocating:
Finding a supportive care team: You are allowed to “shop around” to find a responsive care team to meet your needs in a subsequent pregnancy. This could be a provider, midwife or doula.
Ask for appointment modifications if needed: Don’t hesitate to ask for things that would help ease anxiety. That might be more frequent reassurance Doppler or ultrasound checks, waiting in the car until provider is ready, scheduling the first appointment of the day or bringing a support person.
Setting boundaries around sharing: You are allowed to set your own pace with involving loved ones. Boundaries can help reduce the stress load.
Create a brief care plan: Some people find it helpful to let their provider know upfront that appointments are triggering and what helps—such as narrating the ultrasound, warning before starting, or giving updates frequently.
When to Seek Extra Support
If your anxiety is preventing sleep, causing panic, affecting your relationships, or making it difficult to attend appointments, additional support can make a big difference. Many people find individual therapy and/ or group support to be helpful in feeling less alone and building community. There are therapists and groups that specialize in pregnancy loss and pregnancy after loss (PAL).
Here are a few resources:
Pregnancy after loss is an act of courage. Whatever you’re feeling—fear, hope, numbness, or all of the above—you’re not alone. You deserve support, compassion, and care as you navigate this incredibly tender chapter. You don’t have to do this alone.
* This post is not a substitute for medical or mental health treatment. While I use the term “women” throughout this post, these experiences also resonate with anyone who has been pregnant or has supported a partner through pregnancy after loss.*
