How a Support Group Can Help After TFMR
Facing a termination for medical reasons (TFMR) is one of the most heartbreaking experiences a parent can endure. Amidst grief, families often find themselves navigating not only loss and isolation but also misunderstanding and judgment.
Our culture holds a lot of beliefs and opinions regarding abortions and terminations for medical reasons (TFMR). There are legal, moral and religious beliefs that shape how society supports and perceives families’ personal choices.
In the wake of what is often the most horrific choice parents must make, they are met with criticism and judgment. They are met with cruel words and cold shoulders where there once were open arms. There is suddenly fear that if they share their story, they will be rejected.
In states where terminations are heavily restricted or legally complex, there can be fear of actual punishment. In the silence, shame begins to fester.
Processing guilt, grief and shame can be a sticky place to exist alone. The difference between guilt and shame is what message we internalize. When we feel guilt, we feel like I “did something bad.” Whereas when we feel shame, we feel like “I am bad.”
It’s normal to wrestle with those thoughts after making a decision that challenged previously held beliefs, thoughts or feelings. It can have a negative impact on our health and wellbeing the longer we stay in our shame alone.
Brene Brown, a prominent shame researcher says, “Shame cannot survive being spoken and met with empathy.” This is where the power of a support community can make a significant difference for grieving families.
Support groups offer a safe haven to connect with others in a nonjudgmental and empathetic environment. There is solace in knowing we aren’t alone and others have walked this path before us.
The goal of a support community is to offer coping strategies, resources, understanding, and validation. I believe we need to be witnessed in our grief, to experience compassion from others and learn we do not need to be alone on this journey. Grief expert Alan Wolfelt says, “Sharing your pain with others won’t make it disappear, but it will, over time, make it more bearable. By definition, mourning (i.e., the outward expression of grief) requires that you get support from sources outside of yourself.”
Finding the right support can be its own challenge after loss. There are resources listed below to connect you with your community after TFMR.
https://www.denvershare.org/services
https://postpartum.net/get-help/psi-online-support-meetings/
https://www.tfmrmamas.com/support-groups
Healing after TFMR is not about forgetting; it’s about finding places where your story can be held with compassion. Whether you join a group online or in person, being witnessed in your grief can transform shame into understanding and isolation into connection. You don’t have to carry this alone.
